There are few things in the finite world that bring same the unfettered joy I feel watching football on a Sunday afternoon in September. Immersed in the sweater-weather, the leaves vibrant yellows and reds on the oak tree in our front yard, nothing can top the hissy-fit I’ll pitch on the living room floor when I lose a tease because the head coach for the underdog’s team had to be a hero and drive down the field for a meaningless touchdown on the last play of the game.
So as September ushers in my favorite season—not that I venture outside enough to truly enjoy any of the four seasons—here is this month’s glut of random observations, useless facts and irreverent musings.
- I’ve hypothesized that it is not humanly possible to endure the entire month of September without hearing the Earth, Wind and Fire song bearing the same name. Just in case I’m wrong, here it is.
- This year marks the 20th Anniversary of the darkest day in this country’s history. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if everyone would put their contentious partisan politics aside on Sept. 11 and remember how we ephemerally came together as one nation following that tragedy?
On Sept. 12, rookie quarterback Mac Jones will lead the New England Patriots onto the field to kick-off the 2021-22 football season against the Miami Dolphins at Gillette Stadium.
- Also on Sept. 12, 1975, Pink Floyd released “Wish You Were Here,” the follow-up to their breakout album “Dark Side of the Moon.” So click on that album, and smoke ’em if got ’em.
- For those with nautical proclivities, Sept. 19 is the International Talk like a Pirate Day.
- The month of September used to be the seventh month—it was originally called Septem, which translates to “seventh month”—on the Roman calendar; hence, it celebrated Vulcan, the Roman god of fire. It wasn’t until January and February were added that it became the ninth month. In other words, September’s name is complete bullshit.
- A plane carrying a priest, a Boy Scout and former-President Donald Trump is about crash, and there are only two parachutes on board. Trump immediately grabs one of the parachutes. “I am the smartest man on earth. I have a huge brain and huge hands, and I know a lot of things. A lot of things. Things I can’t even explain to you. I was the best president in history. Me then Lincoln. And only I can make America great again. See you later, losers,” Trump says and jumps out of the plane.
- This year will mark the tenth anniversary of the Red Sox epic 2011 September collapse, which included a number of their starting pitchers infamously drinking beer, eating fried chicken and playing video games in the clubhouse as the ship went down.
- On Sept. 24, we will celebrate National Punctuation Day, and I will challenge anyone who supports the odious Oxford Comma (Serial Comma) to a no-holds barred thumb wrestling match.
- The first newspaper to ever be printed in the United States was published on Sept. 25, 1690 in Boston. It was called Publick Occurrences Both Foreign and Domestick. The British weren’t fond of the publication and quickly shut it down.
- It would be really nice if people stopped using mask-wearing to presume a stranger’s political views or cast ethical aspersions.
- Here comes a shameless plug: On Sept. 30, I will be reading from my book “Fly like The Seagull” with my friend and fellow Manchester Ink Link columnist Rob Azevedo at The Bookery in downtown Manchester.
- The priest looks at the Boy Scout and says, “You can take the last parachute, my son. You are young, and Jesus taught sacrifice and selflessness.” The Boy Scout shrugs at the priest. “Don’t worry about it,” the Boy Scout says. “The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”
 Someone needs to settle down with the alliteration.
 You can ask my wife who has witnessed said fits; this is far from hyperbolic.
 I just tittered and released a squee while typing that.
 July is typically a pretty hot month.
 Namely Josh Beckett, Jon Lester and John Lackey, although Clay Buchholz was rumored to join the trio on occasion.
 That is when the comma is not needed to clarify the sentence.