Reddit responds to Sununu’s Millennial Council

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O P I N I O N

THE SOAPBOX

Stand up. Speak up. It’s your turn.


In response to Governor Chris Sununu’s upcoming “Millennial Advisory Council,” Reddit user “ThatWerewolfTho,” of the Seacoast area, had an interesting response as to how the whole situation might play out in an alternate reality. This is political satire.


In a dusty high school gymnasium, Sununu addresses a small gathering of young people. He seats himself at a chair turned backwards and casually drapes his arms over the chair back.

“Okay, young Granite Staters. Let’s rap. What’s on the mind of young people?”

A young woman, presumably in her early 20s, raises her hand and speaks softly.

“I was encouraged from a young age to follow my dreams and do what makes me feel satisfied emotionally, but I’m locked into paying high interest rates on a federal loan for an expensive university degree restoring McDonald Land portraits of Mayor McCheese. I won’t be debt-free until I’m in my 50s. Can we work on student loan reform and debt forgiveness? I have some links to studies on how a number of European nations have done this that might be helpful.”

Sununu grimaces at the mention of reform and rolls his eyes at the mention of Europe.

“Anybody else?” He groans.

A young man raises his hand and stands.

“I feel confident that everyone in this room can agree that while The Affordable Care Act is certainly not without its problems, it seems to be a smarter tactic to address those problems rather than repeal it and replace it with hastily drafted legislation that, it’s safe to assume, was primarily designed by health insurance and Pharma lobbyists. I work two part-time jobs working out to 50 hours a week because no one will hire me full time as it would require them to enroll me in a health plan. So Obamacare at least allows me to stay on my dad’s policy.”

Sununu lets out a loud belch at the mere mention of the ACA. As the young man finishes his statement, Sununu abruptly stands, knocking the chair on its side and briskly stomps out of the gym, muttering about “kids these days wanting everything for free.” He waves a finger overhead in a circle and suddenly a half-dozen men in dark suits and glasses storm in and begin dousing the gym in diesel fuel. As they leave, the millennials of New Hampshire, confused, watch as a single match is tossed on the floor, igniting the gas before the doors slam shut. They rush for the exit only to find the doors have been chained shut on the outside.


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The author, ThatWereWolfTho, is a Reddit user from the Seacoast area. His prose is a creative response to a real announcement by Gov. Chris Sununu.