Recently I have been cutting back on unprofitable projects. Unprofitable financially AND emotionally. Yes, it’s OK to admit you have emotions! For too many years in Manchester, I have focused a lot of energy in the wrong places. For too long I have tried creative things with noncreative people, so as 2021 rolled in I hit the ground running and started to refocus that hustle, drive and energy into myself and keeping myself accountable for a proper work schedule, and a healthier mind overall.
This applies to my street life because admittedly I wasn’t living my life properly or healthily. I was overstressing myself unnecessarily for way too long and I just needed that fresh release of not having responsibilities that were making my life unbearable. Don’t suffocate yourself with unnecessary things, trust me.
For finances, I have been trying to find a NEW revenue channel on top of what I am currently operating with. It’s tough with the virus running RAMPANT. America has been under “quarantine” for 9+ months and the government has sent out less than 4K. I lost my job, I got kicked out of my apartment last summer with nowhere to go and it has taken me a long while to start to get back on my feet. I pushed my creative limits the last quarter of 2020 trying to break into that new revenue channel but alas, I didn’t accomplish the goal. While I have been plugging away on online projects and events, the country steadily declines and inclines in corona deaths. I couldn’t believe the numbers we were at until I saw it for myself first hand as I was heading to work just three days ago. A parking lot full of cars, which means a building full of people not practicing safety, thus the virus living on and continuously spreading through our community here in Manchester, NH, and beyond of course.
The virus has a big impact on everyone, and for me, it’s not being able to have my kids like I used to and being forced to deal with that fact. If local people keep gathering, then I’ll just never get the life that I used to have with them back again. See, here at Life in the Streets we are a pro-dad type of people and it very much kills me to not be able to spend that time with my kids like we used to before. If this time apart has done anything it has allowed me to learn who I am without them, which I never even thought would be a thing because of my undying loyalty and love for them. I have had to learn how to choose my battles on the most sensitive and touchy of subjects.
Before I used to be Mr. Dad and think that all of my statements and talking points were correct, based on experience. Lately, I am realizing that so much as time has gone by I can’t be that person anymore. Even the way I write will have to evolve. This past week I realized I have become a different person by not having that close connection that I so desire with my kids. We are victims to the danger that the virus presents. If there is anyone who has the most disgust for this history-changing event it is me, Mike Lowe. There are times where I just go crazy thinking to myself what my new reality is.
I live in the space that keeps people safe, so maybe that is why I have gone toward the “insane-but-sane” side much faster. You see average people, celebrities and athletes alike testing positive for the virus all because they get impatient with mask safety and social distancing. Then there are the ones that won’t tell you they have it and the third type of scenario like in my career field a person’s privacy is protected, so people around someone who might be infected would never know unless some broke the literal law. The world is getting crazier and crazier by the day. With the new administration coming in they say things will start to change; I will wait and see with hope in my heart of course. I miss my kids. I will keep wearing a mask I hope that others do too, so that one day we can all not wear one, live in a safe world and work in a safe world. Let’s fix America, please!
If you take any lesson away this week it should be this:
“Accepting that life is a marathon, not a 100m dash. You don’t have to be turned up to 100 percent 24 hours a day, seven days a week to be successful. Stand up for yourself, Find your own TEMPO and be comfortable operating within it.”