O P I N I O N
I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway for those who do: Your beer choice does not determine your sexuality or affect your gender identification in any way.
There. I said it.
In fact, I’m drinking a Bud Light while writing this column, and I’m fairly certain that when I finish—both the column and the beer—I will still identify as a straight male inclined to be amorous with my wife, who is a straight female. Not that this is anyone’s business.
In fact, I just took a long slug off my beer and, believe it or not, I’m still not gay or experiencing any urge to transition into a female, as one of the best and brightest minds of our breed recently suggested to me.
This all stems for the recent brouhaha surrounding the boycott of Bud Light by certain consumers on the far-right who were upset by the beer company’s endorsement of a transgender woman, the TikTok personality Dylan Mulvaney.
According the light beer’s most bigoted base, Bud Light’s attempt to be branded as inclusive and “woke” has alienated traditional consumers, who are apparently composed of MAGA ass-hats incapable of compassion and empathy for people who look and act differently than them and…
Wait. I suddenly feel the urge to put on a Bette Midler album and sing in a cheery falsetto…
Then these meat-pies took to social media to air their grievances, creating memes about Bud Light being a “gay beer” with rainbow cans, calling it “tranny fluid” while mocking and debasing Ms. Mulvaney further with taunts such as “putting the ‘boy’ back in boycott.”
The coup de grace came when the musician and resident racist Kid Rock[1]—don’t worry Ted Nugent, we haven’t forgotten about you—made a video where the virtuoso behind such heady-hits as “Cowboy,” “We the People” and “All Summer Long” is shooting up cans of Bud Light with a semi-automatic rifle.
While certainly subtle and poignant symbolism, it can be argued that Kid Rock…
I just finished that can of Bud Light and cracked another one open. I now find myself inexplicably drawn to my wife’s closet and her collection of high-heeled boots…
Listen, I can understand the ideological differences between liberals and conservatives, and I don’t disagree that “woke” culture can be obnoxious and oppressive. But I don’t understand how we got this far right of fucked. How have we arrived at this place where hatred, vitriol, cruelty, homophobia, bigotry, ugliness, anger, intolerance and stupidity have become so normalized?
And why does anyone care if a beer company wants to celebrate inclusivity in its advertising? Are people so insecure about their fragile masculinity that…
I’m taking the first sip from my second beer and, all of a sudden, I feel happy to be alive, proud and unashamed of my identity. I feel gay and joyful! Oh my God, I was wrong! I think I’ll have another Bud Light.
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[1] One can’t help but wonder if Kid Rock realizes that his music is to the human ear what Bud Light is to the palate.
