ADVICE COLUMN
DEAR SHARON
Dear Sharon,
I am in a quandary about how to discuss the lack of sexual activity with my husband of many years.
This sexual attraction that we had so many years ago has fizzled entirely, and now is almost non-existent. We still love each other, and in all other aspects of our married life, we are good. But, we avoid this one topic of sex with each other and have reached a point where it is no longer discussed or even brought up.
How do I deal with this? Is it fixable? How do we re-ignite that attraction from long ago?
Sincerely,
A disappointed wife
Dear Disappointed,
There is so much going on here but let me begin by saying, Bravo for adoring and loving your husband, even without the intimacy most marriages; (most, not all) enjoy. I have a few things for you to think about which may help re-ignite the passion.
On Netflix, there is a small series called Love Sex & Goop, produced by Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve seen it. It’s good. There are real courageous, vulnerable couples who all have hit walls in the intimacy of their marriages. Experts in the field, such as tantric healers and sexual healing practitioners aid the couples to build communication, through talking, touching, self body image discussions, etc. It requires immense amounts of courage and vulnerability to even watch the show together, but I’d start there. If he doesn’t know that you’re disappointed, how can there be hope? It takes a team effort and you and your husband are a team so it makes sense you’d approach this issue as a team.
Doing nothing will bring you no joy, but dealing with it head-on may yield what you’re looking for. This is not a one size fits all kind of issue, so please don’t give up.
Wishing you luck,
Sharon
Send your questions to Sharon
LIfe can be daunting. Toss in a global pandemic, post-holiday season, new year, the mess of daily life. Maybe you need some light or clarity. You’ve got nothing to lose, so ask me a question. Family, love, relationships, work, life in general – all appropriate topics. Please be kind.
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Disclaimer:
Sharon is not a trained therapist or psychologist but has 20 years experience with couples in love, or who wish they were in love. She has made it her life’s work to join together those in love, legally or otherwise and has, to date, officiated 460 marriages. With Sharon’s natural instinct for love and relationships and the things that make them, and a kind and open heart, your submissions will be treated with respect and clarity.
Sharon owns Weddings with Spirit, and is a NH Justice of the Peace, an interfaith ordained minister, and is happily married.
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