I recently met a man online and have never been more intrigued by a stranger. Reading his profile felt like a window into my mind, capturing so much of what I want in a partnership – from parallel values and principles to a shared love for hiking and yoga. To top it off, his profile included that he wants to build a house; I am also in love with the idea of building my own house or cottage one day.
Our conversation quickly turned to playfully discussing what a future would look like for us. Then, the conversation took a steep turn when he described his vision for our first meeting – from the pace we will walk toward one another to the way we would look at one another. Did I imagine what it would be like? Yes! Would I share that? No!
He later apologized for his overly-romanticizing tendencies. He also praises so much of what I write and shares how it makes his heart soar. I once encountered a “love bomber” before who thought I was his girlfriend after our first date. At the same time, I am all too familiar with dating emotionally unavailable men; I am both overwhelmed and excited about this new guy’s expressiveness, sensitivity, and transparency. He keeps suggesting that we have a call and suggesting we meet up in person. We live only a few towns away and it seems very doable. I am rarely hesitant about meeting — perhaps, I don’t want a too-good-to-be-true outcome.
Still, I am torn about my next steps, considering my tendency to being a black-or-white thinker when it comes to dating. I don’t want to cut him off before giving him a chance (and ghosting is never okay in my book).
Should I have a call and lean in or should I consider this intensity a red flag?
I’m proud of you for taking the leap into the virtual dating world! Meeting somebody online whose values and lifestyle aligns with yours is a huge plus, but you’re figuring out that it takes a whole lot more than that to be a match.
I agree; it does sound like he’s moving quickly toward a relationship that doesn’t actually exist…yet. I’m reading that this is making you somewhat uncomfortable and that’s a good thing, Tessie. We have to think about our safety; and guarding our hearts is a large part of that. That tells me that you’re being wise and not jumping in with both feet quite yet.
Typically, I’d advise you to take the call, lean in, take a leap of faith, however in this instance I’m not going to say to do that. Instead, I advise you to be flattered by his attentiveness, be thrilled that there are people out there with whom you connect, and lastly be grateful that you have seen his intensity which is sketchy in a way. You have a gut instinct, called intuition, and it appears to have kicked in. So, follow your intuition, but never give up on your dream to meet and fall in love with somebody who aligns with you on multiple levels.
As my mom always said, There’s a cover for every pot.
Happy dating, Tessie!
Send your questions to Sharon
LIfe can be daunting. Toss in a global pandemic, post-holiday season, new year, the mess of daily life. Maybe you need some light or clarity. You’ve got nothing to lose, so ask me a question. Family, love, relationships, work, life in general – all appropriate topics. Please be kind.
Send your questions to email@example.com
- Please include your name, email address and phone number with your submission. These are for my use only. Your identity will not be revealed.
- Subject line should include the topic of your question
- One question and reply weekly; be patient while waiting for your reply; it will come, I promise
- Let us know how your story works out in the end; or as it organically unfolds; only if you care to of course
Sharon is not a trained therapist or psychologist but has 20 years experience with couples in love, or who wish they were in love. She has made it her life’s work to join together those in love, legally or otherwise and has, to date, officiated 460 marriages. With Sharon’s natural instinct for love and relationships and the things that make them, and a kind and open heart, your submissions will be treated with respect and clarity.
Sharon owns Weddings with Spirit, and is a NH Justice of the Peace, an interfaith ordained minister, and is happily married.