Note: If you scroll all the way down, you’ll find detailed information on all the recovery celebrations over the holidays.
December 20, 2022
Dear Hope Nation,
Christmas is almost here, followed by Boxing Day, then New Year’s Eve, then New Year’s Day. For some of us, this is the most wonderful time of the year! For some, though, this two-week period should be balled up and thrown in a waste basket. Wherever you fall, you’re in for feelings galore.
Feelings are really scary things for all of us. They come out of the blue and fill us with positive or negative juice, fill us or empty us of ourselves. I learned a long time ago how to control this random influx of emotions—I drugged and drank. When I was afraid feelings might be on the horizon, I reached for weed, dope, speed, beer, wine, whiskey or, later, mouthwash, and experienced true ease and comfort once I got enough anti-Keith medication in me. This feeling I was on top of the world, six feet tall and bulletproof, might only last for 20 minutes or 20 seconds, but it overrode the complexity of natural emotions. Once that initial rush was over, as long as life was going as it should, I would have enough additional alcohol in my system to achieve numbness. It was an easy connect-the-dots: imminent feelings connects to drink connects to euphoria connects to more drink connects to numb, a pattern I followed for years. Even at the end of my drinking, homeless and hopeless, I still felt that surge when I got the right amount of stolen generic mouthwash in me.
When I got into recovery, I had to figure out ways to manage this whole process without the drinking steps. For non-alcoholics, that’s part of growing up, part of learning how to be an adult. For me, at 47, that seemed insurmountable at times. Luckily, as soon as I’d detoxed off alcohol I was introduced to a program of sobriety that remains central to my life. Through friendships with other recovering drunks, a strong relationship with a man I respected and lots and lots and lots of listening at meetings, I learned how to do slowly what booze had enabled me to do immediately, only now I was experiencing feelings instead of painting over them.
Which brings us to Christmas and New Year’s, a one-two punch filled with feelings. To a drunk, the fear of feelings doesn’t differentiate between joy and terror. When I see a bear in the woods, I don’t try to identify whether it’s black or brown, male or female, well-fed or famished—I flee. Same with feelings. The fear I hadn’t bought enough or the right Christmas presents? Drink. The painful nostalgia of childhood Christmases? Drink. The joy of watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story”? Drink. The upcoming party to celebrate the New Year? Drink. The sense my life wasn’t adding up to anything, as evidenced by the nothing I’d accomplished looking back? Drink. The excitement of waiting for midnight? Drink. Every oncoming feeling could be avoided by drink—until I got sober. Then, like a boy raised in a bubble and released, I was faced with viral emotions and an immune system that had no way to process them. It took a few years for the holiday season to lose its ability to bat my sober gyroscope around, for me to learn how to deal with each second as it came and as it went. Luckily, for those years—and ever since—I had the emotional support of an Alcothon—first in Nashua, then in Manchester.
Alcothons and their Narcotics Anonymous cousins, the things that helped me save my sobriety, are marathon meetings for folks in recovery. Typically, they run on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day—the prime hours for people in recovery who are just keeping their noses above the waves to whisper a quiet (or loud) “F” it—and take a drink, shoot some dope or smoke some meth. Instead of giving in to that self-destruction, though, the recovering can be surrounded by others who face the same struggle, and we swim together instead of drowning alone.
Don’t be alone this season. Don’t give up. Things will be different. You will be different.
You matter. I matter. We matter.
Keith
Last night, at the “Addicts Got Talent” show, I read the following, which I’d dashed off yesterday afternoon. For whatever reason, I think it fits here.
Fifteen Years into Recovery
I look at your face. And yours. And Yours. Without recovery
I’d never have seen you.
Faces that came before yours, hundreds, thousands in church basements, around campfires, in mountain cabins, they cradled my spark of recovery, helped it grow into a fire. Without them,
I’d never have seen you.
You and you and you and me, we form a sacred band. Hands held, hugs offered
Bullshit called. This is love. This is hope. This is life. Without those
I’d never have seen you.
You were not born to lose. You are not too pretty, too ugly, too smartyoung, too fat, too skinny, too ugly or too this or too that. You are becoming who you were meant to be.
I was given away at birth. No idea whether the woman who carried me ever held or looked at me. Someone did, though. And that someone didn’t look into the eyes of a junkie or a thief or a liar or a drunk. She saw a deep pool of possibility. And that’s what you and you and you are. Unpolluted potential because of recovery.
I’m thankful for the universe or the God or the Big Joker in the Sky who helped you and you and you into recovery. If it hadn’t
I’d never have seen you.
I’m glad you’re here tonight. I’m glad I’m here tonight. I’m glad we’re here tonight.
I’m glad to see you.
Holiday Events:
AA Holiday Alcathon – – December 24, 2022 – 6 PM to December 25, 2022 – 6 PM
St. Raphael Church Hall, 103 Walker St. (Ferry St entrance) Manchester, NH
24 hours of great food & AA fellowship! Group Gratitude Meetings!
AA Christmas Alcathon – – December 24, 2022 – 6 PM to December 25, 2022 – 6 PM
Derry Friendship Center 6 Railroad Avenue, Derry, NH
24 hours of meetings, fellowship, and food. Bring a dish to share
AA Christmas Day Alcathon – – Sunday, December 25, 2022 – 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM Meetings every hour
Concordia Lutheran Church 211 N. Main St Concord
AA Christmas Alcathon – – Sunday, December 25, 2022 – 8:00am and 8:00pm
Millie’s Place, 45 John Stark Hwy, Newport NH
Potluck and meetings all day long.
AA Christmas Eve Alcathon – – December 24, 2022, 6:00 PM – Midnight
Monadnock Community Hospital 425 Old Street Rd, Peterborough NH
A meeting every hour
NA Hope for the Holidays – – Sunday, December 25, 2022 – Noon to 7:00 PM
Hope Recovery Center, 293 Wilson Street, Manchester, NH
Marathon NA Meetings, pot luck food and beverages
AA District 19 2022 Alcathon – Meetings every hour
12/24/22 6 pm-Midnight & 12/25/22 6 am-6 pm
Yana Center 36 Carpenter Street, Keene
AA District 13 Alcathon
December 24th 12pm till December 25th 9pm
Hudson Community Center
12 Lions Ave Hudson, NH
AA District 11 Christmas Alcathon – Meetings every hour
December 25 @ 9:00 am – 11:00 pm
Sobriety Centers of America
350 Court St., Laconia NH
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AA New Year’s Eve Alcathon 6:00 pm 12/31/22 – Noon 1/1/23
Triumphant Cross Lutheran Church 171 Zion Hill Rd., Salem, NH
AA District 7 New Year’s Eve 2022 Alcathon – – 6pm-12am
Monadnock Community Hospital, 452 Old Street Rd, Peterborough, NH
A new meeting every hour – Coffee, water, and things to eat.
NA GSA New Year’s Eve Event – – December 31, 2022, 6:30 pm – 12:30 am
First United Methodist Church, 961 Valley St. Manchester NH
Meeting, Pot Luck, DJ & Dancing
