O P I N I O N
THE SOAPBOX
Stand up. Speak up. It’s your turn.
Whenever I hear of a couple having a new baby, my advice is always for the husband to buy his wife flowers five weeks after the baby is born. Why five weeks? It seems that the human body can live off of adrenaline and lack of sleep for about 5 weeks before it breaks down. At that point, you realize that babies are a lot of work, sleep is really necessary, and personal time is no longer.
The disruption from this COVID pandemic has gone on for a long time – and it doesn’t look like there is an end in sight any time soon. We are well past 5 weeks, heck, we’re past 5 months at this point. That’s months and months of worry, not seeing family and friends, living with food and supply shortages, not holding family celebrations, wearing masks and carrying hand sanitizer everywhere, and now we have the added worry about our children potentially being put in harm’s way in order for them to go to school.
In particular, it’s the women who bear the brunt of the worry and work and who seem to be under the most stress. We are the ones who must take care of the kids and who have to take over their schooling. We are the ones who are getting the groceries, doing most of the cooking, and running the household. It is also the women who are quitting their jobs in order to take care of their families.
In other times, leaving the workforce would be because of a personal decision. Now we are being forced to leave not because we want to, but because we need to in order to protect our families. Of course we are willing to do this, but many of us are also conflicted with resentment toward this new norm. We went to college, we got jobs, we’ve contributed, and now we are being forced back into the homes to be household managers once again, just like our mothers. It seems to be a huge step backward for women’s rights.
I have talked to so many women lately who have reached a breaking point. It’s been difficult, there is so much guilt, and there seems to be no end. So what can we do about it?
Create boundaries at home
Create a small space that is yours. A desk in a corner as your “office” is a start. If you have a separate room even better. But create a space that is just yours and off-limits to the rest of the family.
Part of creating boundaries also includes sharing of the work. Even young kids can help out. Create a jobs list for the kids – for example, insist that dishes be cleared from the table and washed. If you have older kids assign a night each week where they are responsible for dinner (even an ordered pizza is better than you doing all the work.) When everyone is staying at home, things literally pile up – have family members pick up after themselves. Stop doing for them what they can do for themselves.
Reach out to other women
Sometimes it’s helpful to just know that you are not alone. Connect with some friends you trust and share how you feel, you might be surprised to hear that others are feeling the same way. We are all in this together and it is going to take the strength of women working together and supporting each other to get to the other side of this.
Get some exercise
Create an exercise program and stick with it. Either workout to a video or get outside and walk with some friends. Fresh air on a hike can be a game-changer. Remember that story about putting your oxygen mask on first before you tend to a child’s? It’s the same thing here – take care of yourself so that you can continue to take care of others.
Limit your exposure to the media
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pay attention to what’s happening in the nation and world, but constant negative news is draining. Limit yourself to a schedule of news. Maybe a half-hour in the morning, mid-day and then again in the evening. Be in control of how news affects your life instead of reacting to chaotic news.
Figure out ways to celebrate with the new norm
Remember those drive-by birthday parties where people created car parades? It was an ingenious solution to kids not having birthday parties. Be creative – have socially distanced picnics with friends, drinks and appetizers in your driveway. Zoom family events. Celebrations are such an important part of families, we just have to think differently so that we can share these events with our family and friends.
Get professional help if you need it
You are not alone. Trust me. I can’t believe how many women I’ve recently talked to who have gone on anti-anxiety medication. If you need medication or professional therapy, by all means, talk to your physician. Don’t let things get so dark that you become lost.
Although there appears to be no end to this pandemic, eventually we will figure a way out of this. A vaccine will be created, we will figure out how to effectively teach either remotely or in classrooms. And women will return to the workforce. Although the new normal will be different from the old normal, things will change for the better.
We just have to figure out how to get to there from here.
