Not That Profound

We’re a small skip away from Gilead

For those who may not be familiar with the premise of “The Handmaid’s Tale,” it is set sometime in the not-so-distant future, following a violent civil war in the United States fought over ideological differences. Birth rates have plummeted due to environmental indifference and increased rates of STDs, and the far-right religious fanatics—many of whom posture as Christians—have established their own country named Gilead. READ MORE

Not That Profound

Don’t be a Venmo-ron, like me

The only money that belongs solely to me exists in a Venmo account where I’ve squirreled away my earnings from various writing projects over the years. The money was intended to be a little scratch with which I could gamble and make frivolous purchases that would incense my wife, such as a reprint of Leroy Neiman’s painting of the final frame of “Rocky III”.  READ MORE

Not That Profound

Why I don’t dance

While I’m still working through the trauma with a therapist, here is the quick-and-dirty: After consuming far too many whiskey sours at the open bar of a wedding where I was one of the groomsmen, I was loose, feeling the groove, cutting the proverbial rug with my girlfriend on the edge of the dance floor beside a bay window with crimson curtains. READ MORE

Not That Profound

The purging of pet urine: A hero’s quest

Before my wife left, as we were going through a particularly humid stretch, I noticed the pungent scent of pet urine emanating from the kitchen floor. A little back-story: in the past three years, to my dismay, our home has become a veritable animal farm, including the Existential Pug—who has penned a few columns for me—and three cats, two of whom moved into the house against my wishes. READ MORE