Abuse shakes us to the core of who we are. Whether abuse happens at the hands of a spouse, friend or stranger, long after the physical effects of abuse have healed, the traumatic effects of abuse leave scars. While these hidden scars remain out of sight from family and friends, they continue to haunt the survivor, and live on, continuing to inflict more pain and hurt years, or even decades after the traumatic events.
While the trauma of abuse can annihilate hope, destroy sense of self and rip away the very relationships that offer stability and healing, it doesn’t have to have the last word.
The statistics about abuse are staggering. According to the National Center Against Domestic Violence, “one in four women and one in nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking” (source). Sexual abuse happens to an estimated 1-in-6 men and 1-in-4 women during their childhood. It is not hyperbole to estimate that every reader has either experienced abuse or walks alongside someone who has. The need for practical understanding and tools that enable healing has never been greater. Moreover, the impact of trauma might surface in the lives of survivors in unexpected ways. People who are hurting don’t always act in the way some might expect.
As a church, this is a reality we’ve seen borne out over the years of loving our neighbors here in Manchester. While it is a sensitive topic to address, in acknowledging its reality, educating ourselves on how to best love survivors of abuse, and finding life-giving steps forward, we continue to believe that there is hope and healing for us together.
This next Wednesday, April 20 at 7 p.m., King’s Cross Church will be hosting Rachael Denhollander at the Hope for New Hampshire Recovery Center to help us better understand abuse and trauma. Rachael is an attorney, author, advocate, and educator who is recognized as a leading voice on the topic of sexual abuse. She will be joining us for a talk, followed by a Q&A about how survivors of trauma can find hope and healing. While Rachael is a nationally recognized leader in the areas of abuse prevention and caring for survivors, she has always been a humble, accessible, supportive friend in helping me think through these issues. Her own story, along with her legal and advocacy experience make her an invaluable resource for us to benefit from in this upcoming conversation.
Rachael Denhollander became known internationally in 2016 as the first woman to pursue criminal charges and speak publicly against USA Gymnastics’ team doctor Larry Nassar, one of the most prolific sexual abusers in recorded history. As a result of her activism, over 300 women—including numerous Olympic medalists—came forward as survivors of Nassar’s abuse, eventually leading to his life imprisonment. For her work as an advocate and educator on sexual assault, Rachael was named one of TIME Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” and one of Glamour Magazine’s “Women of the Year” in 2018.
While Rachael is a nationally recognized figure, she is also my friend. Our friendship began a few years ago during a period in my pastoral life where I needed a lot of help processing how to best serve people who’d experienced significant trauma. Rachael’s personal experience of finding hope and healing, along with being an advocate and attorney representing survivors has been an invaluable resource to help me better love and care for our neighbors here in Manchester.
A significant area of focus in my pastoral ministry has become serving those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Nearly every week of my pastoral life involves me helping someone in one way or another who has either experienced or witnessed abuse. Sometimes that’s helping someone take the first steps of reporting, sometimes that’s helping people find hope and healing years or decades after the events.
In addition to the statistics, it is simply an observed reality in my pastoral life that abuse and trauma are much more pervasive issues in our lives and the lives of those around us than we tend to think. Often abuse happens in private, people are treated horribly, and are left to find a way forward alone. Hosting Rachael is a simple way of bringing attention to this important issue and providing a context for people to grow, learn and hopefully, find healing.
This event recognizes the true impact of trauma in a person’s life and will speak directly into the reality of finding hope after abuse. Dignity can be disregarded but never destroyed and the ability to connect with others beats in everyone’s heart. This event will create a safe place for anyone to learn more about the effects of trauma and also practically see the hope that lights the path of healing.
I would love for anybody in the Manchester area to come out to this event. Everyone is invited, whether you have friends or family that are survivors, are a survivor yourself, or simply want to better understand the issue. It is a free event with several free resources provided, along with time to engage with Rachael after her talk to explore issues or dynamics further. More information about this event can be found here.
